he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
