You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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