if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
