you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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