I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
