my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
