So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
