sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
