ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
