I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
being pregnant is like rehab
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
