I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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