He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
