i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
