Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
