you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza