Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy