Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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