i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
