as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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