I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
