You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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