His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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