Sry I called you an 8
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
