My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
