why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
