my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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