found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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