Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
