My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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