So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
