You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
