We won't sleep together?
the condom got lost in my hair
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
