are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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