You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
