im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
