Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
