I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
