I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
