I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
