I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
