We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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