Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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