if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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