Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
