I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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