I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I love having hate sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
