So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life