I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus