how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.