I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships