there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.