sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.