That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
