Pappa wants mamma naked
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
