He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
