i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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