I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
