Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
