You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
