I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
