but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
