so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
