are you still at the devil's house?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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