After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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