i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
